Dancing

"Hold
Hold on
Hold on to me

'cause I'm a little unsteady

A little unsteady."

X Ambassadors

~

He lay in bed, eyes fixed to the ceiling, picturing how their first dance would be. He knew she was somewhere being herself, and he hoped she was thinking about him in a positive light. And as they moved together in harmonious motion, his imagination was consumed by the tireless movement of his gaze—glued to the heavenly feeling painted on her face, rhythmically swinging from left to right, right to left and then, back again, over and over, wondering how her soul and its shadow could compose such spellbinding art, a love that could silence tragic pain, a promise to the light, a slow dance in the rain.

So run the pressure and the beat. Smother the darkness in this heat. Endure the unbearable delusion. And break. Break the intensity right before it knocks you out. And as your eyelids now both stumble to meet, examine the romance that's cracking the ceiling. Embrace the lovely and the intimate. And know that this bleak fall is reaching down to find the sweet flower at her feet.

Now focus. Focus on the fading difference between fate and freedom. Lose all sensation, all delight, all safety and might. Drop your arms. Drop your masks. Drop your pride. Drop your ego. Drop your delusions. And... and lay your love softly on the ground. Then look. Change your focus. Don't look at the words. Look at your reflection behind them. Look at your reflection behind them. Look at your reflection. Look at it. Look at you. I am nothing. I am no one. I'm not even a memory. I am not future hope. I am not tomorrow. I am now and this now does not exist. You can pierce the veil. So pierce the veil. You're not listening. Listen. You're not listening. You're not listening to your heart. You're not listening to your heart. These words do not exist. But you do. So start acting like it.

Even if you don't trust yourself, trust the moment.

Even if he can't see her, he can see her. He can feel her. He can feel her skin on his.  Even if she doesn't know it, they're together—always. They're together against all odds, until time forsakes all effort to break their unity.

Even if you give up on us, in my head we'll still be playing board games with our children in my side of the house, right next to your personal library. Even if your heart decides to beat for another, mine will always be on our small balcony at 3 A.M. secretly wondering when you'll wake up and give it a surprise hug. Even if you think that doubt and mistrust will always stand in our way, I'll keep daydreaming about how I'll propose. And even though you feel that you're very much alone right now, you might want to check your heart, because my hand is pressed upon it. And maybe, just maybe, if you close your eyes, you'll feel it.

And maybe, when you see the way I'm looking at you, you won't look away.

You'll smile instead.

~

"I'm in the corner, watching you kiss her
I'm right over here, why can't you see me
I'm giving it my all, but I'm not the guy you're taking home
I keep dancing on my own
I keep dancing on my own."
Callum Scott